I haven't written like I thought I would when I started this blog. I thought it would be therapeutic, and it is, a little... But turns out, it's just mostly painful. But today, I feel compelled to write for some reason. I'm sure I will be typing through tears, but I will push through. Just like I always do...
It's been 2 years, 4 months, and 12 days since our sweet girl went to be with Jesus. Our lives have changed dramatically, as you can imagine. We lost our only daughter. Her brother is an only child now. The family dynamic is different. We are unbalanced, like a 4 wheeled vehicle trying to drive on 3. But we limp along... We try to stay as busy as we can to distract us and keep us from being alone with our thoughts and we are thankful for the friends and family that continue to stand by our sides each and every day.
The life we knew was flipped upside-down and nothing is the same. Then, enter COVID-19. Everyone's lives were flipped upside-down. The world we live in today is not the same world that Darian left behind in February of 2018. I often wonder how she would have reacted. I can just hear her saying, "Mom, this is scary. Are we all going to get sick and die?" (she had a flare for drama from time to time). But I know she would have been scared, to the point that she would have followed the rules of staying home and wearing a mask while out. She would not want to put others at risk.
But then about 2 months in, just like the rest of us, she would have been climbing the walls, wanting to see her friends. She would have been stressed out about the future, what school will be like, whether it will even start. She would have wanted to make the most of the summer after having been stuck home for most of the spring. But mostly she would have wanted everyone to be safe and healthy.
And as if this COVID world isn't enough to send a teenager into major angst, we are now faced with the worst acts of hate any of us have ever witnessed in our lifetime. Peaceful protests turning into violent riots. People destroying other's people's property and anything in their path that represents some form of discrimination or another. Our great nation divided beyond anything we've ever seen. It doesn't matter what side you're on. It doesn't matter what your political affiliations are. It doesn't matter whether you're black, white, brown, purple or blue. What matters is how you live YOUR life. How you treat OTHERS...
I have no doubt that Darian would be so distraught about the magnitude of the hate in this world. She would be shaken to the core if she was witnessing what the rest of us are currently witnessing. She would be baffled as to how we got to this point. But mostly, she would be sad. She would be sad that people are not treating others with kindness. She would be sad that so many lives have been lost to senseless violence. She would just be sad about the state of our country.
But I would tell her, as I will tell all of you. Don't think that YOU can't make a difference in someone's life. Each of us has the ability to impact the lives of others, even if it's just one simple act of kindness. You never know when someone is at their breaking point and they just need you to say, "I care", or give them a hug, or even just a warm smile. Because KINDNESS IS BEAUTIFUL. No matter who it is coming from, where it is given, or who's on the receiving end. Darian knew this and she treated others with kindness and respect in all she did. Oh how I wish others knew this too.
I miss her and her simple acts of kindness. Our world could really use it right now. More than ever...